Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
