I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
