sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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