how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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