he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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