Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I did not marry a roomba.
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