Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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