I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
