You're my little dorito
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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