I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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