do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
