I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
