was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
