Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Someone came in the potted fern
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
