He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
