If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
