i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
4 words: hood of his car
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
