The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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