you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
