He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize