i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
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I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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