they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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