the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
