it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
