Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
