oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
