mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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