3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
