Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
