even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
