also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize