Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
