Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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