Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Houston, we have a blender
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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