so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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