I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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