what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
