alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
