I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
