I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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