There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
