Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
