he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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