In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
