"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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