she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
