that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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