you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
