I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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