he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
