Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
