ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
