he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
