Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
