Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
