I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
