But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
