He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Pants are for mortals
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
