Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Randomize
