told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
