I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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