I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
