and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
