so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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