Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
