I checked into jail on foursquare
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
