i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
this hospital has no fireball
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
