so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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