Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
