dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize