apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
