The maid of honor just puked.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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