Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
