Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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