I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
