I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
